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The Calmer Sutra: Iconic sex guide reinvented for menopausal women

The Calmer Sutra: Iconic sex guide reinvented for menopausal women: Iconic sex guide The Kama Sutra has been reinvented for menopausal women by Menopause Experts Group to highlight the positions that could reduce joint pain and encourage body confidence.

Many of the positions in the ancient Indian text require flexibility, athleticism and body confidence, and can be unappealing or unrealistic for many menopausal women.

A third of menopausal women (35%) say they have suffered joint pain during sex, while half have endured dryness (56%)[5] and a similar proportion have felt body conscious during love-making (53%)[2], reveals new research by Menopause Experts Group.

Three quarters of women (75%) say menopause has made sex less pleasurable, with one in six (17%) saying it has become unbearable. A quarter of women (27%) say they have stopped having sex entirely.

Before menopause, women report having sex 116 times a year on average — just over twice a week — but this drops to only twice a year during menopause.

The most rewarding positions for menopausal women are those that reduce the strain on joints and minimise the amount of exhibitionism involved on the woman’s part.

The Cutlery Drawer, The Yoga Class, They’re Off Walking The Dog are the three Calmer Sutra poses most recommended for menopausal women.

On the other hand, The Cold Shoulder, The Hip Buster and Off To Lapland should be avoided.

Menopause doesn’t mean the end of a healthy sex life, and there are plenty of options to help women enjoy love-making should they want to. Almost half of menopausal women (46%) say they have tried using lubricant to improve sex, and nearly a quarter have brought vibrators into the bedroom (24%). 

However, very few women (2%) have used dilators to maintain a supple vagina, despite the benefits that it could have in the bedroom and clinically. More than two fifths of women (44%) haven’t tried any methods to improve their sex life during menopause.

Since qualifying 25 years ago as Psychotherapist, Menopause Experts Group founder Dee Murray has treated and listened to many women’s stories of libido loss. Many did not realise the impact that their changing hormones had on their sex life.

Dee Murray, founder and CEO at Menopause Experts Group, said: “Menopause shouldn’t mean the end of your love life, but sadly it’s not surprising that half of women have found that sex has become a lot less pleasurable during menopause.

“Some of this can be explained by joint pain, which is experienced by a third of women during sex, and a loss of body confidence.

“By choosing positions that minimise the strain put on joints, and making sure the woman doesn’t feel like she is being put on show, couples can make sex more enjoyable.

“A lot of issues can be helped by using vaginal lubricant, moisturisers, dilators and vibrators, so the more open-minded couples are, the more likely they are to enjoy a healthy relationship.

“Sex is a big part of many relationships, and there’s no need to forgo that intimacy, but we must also remember that closeness is not all about sex. You can be intimate without having sex, and this further promotes trust in a relationship.

“Holding hands, showing emotion, cuddling without sex all helps, but intimacy is also about talking and sharing things with one another. It may just take a bit of effort and understanding from both sides.”

Menopause Experts Group offers comprehensive, trustworthy and up-to-date information to help women understand and manage often debilitating symptoms like loss of sex-drive, forgetfulness, hot flushes, anxiety, headaches, itchy skin, night sweats, brain fog and many other symptoms including lack of confidence.

Educational training has been made available to organisations including the NHS, Curves Gyms, John Lewis, Metropolitan Police, MOD, Finastra, Tekmar as well as many legal, HR and employee benefits companies. The accredited education is made available to all individuals including men completely free, making it accessible regardless of the ability to pay.

How partners can help their loved ones become more active in bed


  • Ever blame a woman for not wanting sex. This is a real no-no, and will push her further away.
  • Don’t be demanding. She is more likely to want to have sex if she feels you understand her limitations, and that you care and want to protect her.
  • Don’t be affectionate only when you feel you want sex. Women often feel that the only time they get cuddled or have any physical attention from their partner is when they want sex.
  • Never pile on the pressure.
  • Don’t ever think an affair will help the situation!


  • Show intimacy, hold hands, kiss and cuddle without any sexual intentions. This reignites trust, and can rekindle feelings of love for many couples. When you fall in love all over again, generally this leads to sexual desire.
  • Make her feel special, and show you want to understand what she is going through. Women often withdraw because they feel no one understands what they are experiencing. You may not know how she feels, but listening to her concerns and showing support leads to trust, which leads to intimacy.
  • Show interest in menopause. Read up so she can see you care about what she is going through. Knowledge is power. Make the effort to invest in your relationship.
  • Reinforce how much you love her. Tell her more often, and show more affection without sex attached. Compliment the way she looks, help her to feel more confident as confidence is often lost during menopause.
  • Think about how she would be treating you if you were going through this.

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